Recent Thoughts

Friday, March 21, 2008

Longest bus ride ever!

Permanently living in the province but studying in the city allows me to take a bus ride at least twice a week. I get to go home on weekends.

During my freshman year, the bus ride (from the Cubao terminal along EDSA to the San Fernando intersection) took at least 1.5 hours. But as the NLEX underwent many improvements through the years, the travel time was gradually shortened. When they repaired the old NLEX, the trip was cut to around 1 hour. And when the brand new NLEX was opened, the trip was cut to 45-50 minutes – barring any traffic jam along EDSA. (It wasn’t exactly a ‘new’ expressway though, because technically it was the same road. But the new NLEX was brought about by extensive and expensive renovations throughout the entire stretch of the expressway. Not to mention a brand new management). I would normally spend the trip sleeping while listening to music with either my mp3 player or cell phone.

Throughout the years, there were instances when the bus ride would take longer than usual due to many reasons – like unfortunate vehicular accidents or mad rushes because of holidays. My bus ride home last Saturday was devoid of any mishaps or delays – but it felt like the longest bus ride ever! The reason is very embarrassing actually, but I would share it anyway – I wanted to poop! Haha! Wait, correction – I didn’t want to poop, not in the bus, at least, but my stomach did, haha!

It was 10 minutes after my orgmates and I boarded the bus and it was already along the Munoz intersection along EDSA when I first felt the pangs of unexpected and violent bowel movement.

I wondered what I could’ve eaten to upset my stomach and intestines. I had lunch at a French food function by some HRIM students. We had onion soup, veggie salad, beef with mashed potato, crème brulee and iced tea. I have eaten all dishes before and it never caused me any problems.

The pangs started getting stronger as we finally entered NLEX. I literally uttered, “Hoh my gad!” ala Janina San Miguel in my mind, haha!

As I controlled the, erm, “contractions”, I started weighing my options. I could ask the conductor to stop by the nearest CR so I could relieve myself but since he was in the middle of issuing the passengers their tickets, everyone aboard will definitely hear about my plea. But if I try to keep it all in until I get home, I might embarrass myself more by you know, shitting on my pants. Ewww! Haha!

I ended up pooping at the Jollibee near the bus stop in San Fernando. Yes, my friends, I managed to suppress the explosion the whole trip. Thank God there was running water, tissue and soap at the Jollibee rest room! Whew!

I survived the trip by continuously praying the WHOLE time – I pleaded for God’s mercy and love and “postpone” my bowel movement until I get a decent rest room! Haha! I was consciously awake the whole trip, for I had to constantly have my ass in check for if I fall asleep, I might lose concentration and open the “flood” gates to my own personal hell, haha! I tried counting the number of emergency phone booths I see on the expressway to veer my mind away from my dire situation. But alas, I lost count when one contraction went quite violent, haha!

Most of you may think it was a huge gamble on my part. I would’ve easily solved my problem by approaching the driver and conductor and ask for some consideration which they probably would’ve given with full understanding. Besides, I may have embarrassed myself by doing so, but I would embarrass myself more and even inconvenience my co-passengers if I pooped on my pants, right? But each time I saw a road sign that signals an approaching gas station, my stomach was miraculously calm. So each time, I decided to stretch my luck, hehe.

It was a very embarrassing situation and I shamefully admit, it wasn’t my best moment, haha! But it was a learning experience.

First of all, if prayers can move mountains, it sure as hell can postpone bowel movement. I lost count how many saints I asked to intercede for my ‘cause’, haha! I know it’s kind of foolish that it took me this kind of situation to learn that Christian lesson but to be honest, that was the first amusing realization that came to my head as I sat on my emergency “throne” at Jollibee.

Secondly, I may have been lucky that day, but for the rest of my life, I can’t always rely on luck – especially if I actually have control of the situation. I could’ve simply asked the driver to stop at a gas station for a few minutes, but instead my fear of embarrassment got the best of me.

Thirdly, now I am afraid to take a trip to France! If the French-themed cuisine I had for lunch was really the culprit last Saturday, then I wouldn’t want to spend half of my French vacation inside the rest rooms, haha!

And by the way, no, hindi ako napatilis. Haha! Promise! Out of gratitude to Jollibee, I ordered a chocolate fudge sundae. Haha!

Quick Thoughts