Recent Thoughts

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Ashleykins, my dear bitch

It rained quite hard last night. It’s unlikely on a summer night, but since there’s La Niña, I guess it wasn’t a surprise after all. Anyway, the downpour was very much welcome. It rained so hard that even our dogs, Bruno & Ashley (father and daughter actually), were dripping wet on their respective places in the garage in just a few minutes. Kuya Dennis had to set them free for the night. Nakatali lang kasi sila eh.

Ashley is a 6-month old Labrador. Pero ang bigat at napakaharot niya! She would constantly jump at you, as if outright taunting you, so you’d play with her. Letting her loose the whole night is a recipe for havoc. I was worried for all the slippers, rags and what-have-yous lying around. Ashley would never spare them. And I was right. So there, she was making a lot of noise at the terrace beside my bedroom so I checker her out. Here’s what I saw.

As if she’d understand, I reprimanded her, “Hala Ashley, nagkalat ka… tsk, tsk, lagot ka…” Here’s her reaction.

O diba, there’s no remorse at all in her face? Bruno was speechless at what his daughter has done, haha! Habang nagtitinginan kami ni Ashley, may naisip ako. Bakit kapag ang alagang aso mo, may ginawang kasalanan, hindi mo magawang magalit nang lubusan. I mean, oo sige, you would probably hit the poor dog with whatever you could get your hands on. With matching sermon pa iyun, “Walanghiya ka, bakit mo sinira tong Havaianas ko?! Hindi mo ba alam kung gaano kamahal to? Son of a bitch ka talaga!” But it’s not like your dog’s gonna cry, diba. It’ll just run away. And then, you’ll find yourself playing with your dog again, as if no major wrongdoing has been done just a few moments ago. It’s so easy to forgive your dogs. Just one look at their cute faces, one lick from them, a few tail wags and all that anger will flush away. Sana ganoon din sa tao. Sana ganoon din kadali magpatawad ng kapwa mo tao. The world would’ve be a much better place, don’t you think?

Anyway, while I was trying to salvage what I could from the mess that Ashley made, she still managed to play with yet another rag. Napatawa na lang ako. O diba, kung sa tao, lalo kang maiinis, diba? Kaya ayun, nagpicture taking na lang kami. In fairness, she wasn’t camera-shy. I was just there standing, waiting for a Kodak moment, while she was looks up to me, as if wondering why I'm not reacting to his antics of trying to get my attention and play with her.

The rain has stopped, but Ashley went on with playing around. Talagang sakit sa ulo ‘tong asong ‘to. But despite that, you just can't help but love your dog still. And then it dawned on me why it’s so much easier to forgive dogs than forgive fellow humans. It’s simply because dogs are, well, what they are – dogs. You know that what they do – play with slippers, newspapers, rags, sometimes even ruining them, in short, make a huge mess – it’s in their nature. They know not what they’re doing, unlike people. People can be really mean. Sometimes, they even mean to be mean.

Dogs are also genuinely loyal. If there’s one thing that dogs are fully aware of, it’s to whom their loyalty belongs to – to their masters. As for us people, it’s in our nature to only have our own best interests at hand. Not all of us look after other people’s interests as well.

They say that dog people, you know, people who love dogs, are normally good people. Being good masters of your pets significantly reflects how you treat other creatures as well, humans included.

Buti na lang, I'm a dog person. Therefore… haha!

Friday, April 28, 2006

Blogs Galore! 2

I have so many things in mind right now. Halu-halo! Nakasumpong na naman ang writer's block ko. I have so much to write about and yet, I can't find the right words to type or I'm not satisfied with my line of thought. Anyway, gawa na lang ako ng follow-up sa una kong post dati titled Blogs Galore!

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PBB TEEN EDITION

Asus, eto na naman, about PBBTE na naman! Wala lang, gusto ko lang i-announce na Aldredian and Kimian ako. Wahaha! Tuwang tuwa talaga ako kay Kim, lalu na nung kumanta siya ng Chinese song sa confession room. may action pa talaga siya. Tapos nakakatuwa rin reaction niya noong paglabas niya at nalaman niya na pinarinig ni Big Brother sa buong bahay ang boses niya. Parang ansarap niyang maging kapatid o kabarkada no? =)

Haay, nakaka-addict na to. Namimiss ko tuloy mga orgmates ko sa UP. Kapag pinapanood ko ang kulitan, asaran, tawanan at kung anu-ano pang kababawan sa bahay ni Kuya, naalala ko mga friends ko.

I really think that PBBTE is the edition that truly embodies the 'teleserye ng totoong buhay' thrust of PBB. Anyone will see a piece of themselves in each of the housemates. And what is happening inside the house so far are very much similar to what actually happens to the average Filipino (teenager). If you've been an avid viewer, you'll know what I mean. Pansinin niyo, lahat ng nangyayari sa bahay sa loob ng 4 na araw ay either nangyari na sa iyo or may kilala ka na napagdaan ang ganun. Diba?

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BUSTED BODY CLOCK

For the past five days, I've been trying to correct my busted body clock. It's so busted, that I feel like I am living in Saudi Arabia. It is shifted by up to 5 hours. Whenever I'm here at Pampanga (because when I'm at QC, it's a different story, syempre, may classes eh, may definite waking time ako), I'd still be awake til up to 5am, sometimes I even catch a glimpse of the first few sunrays of the day. Then I'd sleep til way past lunchtime (worst was 2pm). While the rest of the household is already having thier afternoon siesta, I'm just about to have 'breakfast'. Grabe, ewan ko ba, tuwing bakasyon, unti-unting nasisisira body clock ko. Nung sembreak (October 2005), kapag gising pa ako ng 2am, big deal na yun, kahit ano pang ginagawa ko, tinitigil ko na para matulog. Sus, ngayon, 2am, I'm just starting to do some thingies.
So since Monday, I've been disciplining myself to sleep early and wake up early. It worked for the first four days. Imagine, I woke up at 9am. It was a miracle indeed. But then last night, PBBTE Uplate was SO late it ended at 2.30am. My bedtime should've been 1am. Darn! So this morning, or should I say, this afternoon, I woke up at 12.50pm. So mamaya, por pabor, sana hindi masyado late ang PBBTE Uplate. Para makatulog ako ng maaga.

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DARN MEMORY CARD!

T***ina! Bigla ba namang nabura mga messages sa memory card ng cellphone ko!? Ewan ko kung ano nangyari. Basta nag-batt-empty siya (normal lang iyung, 1 bar na lang kasi siya pag-gising ko). Edi chinarge ko. Tapos pagbukas ko, bigla ko na lang na-realize na burado mga messages ko. At hindi lang siya System Error na ayaw lang ma-view ng mga messages. Kasi chineck ko ang memory usage at bigla na lang nagka-2MB na memory free. So it means, nabura talaga. Shet naman, twice na nangyari ito in a month. Last month kasi, I was forced to format the memory card. That means I have to erase 2 years worth of my best-kept messages / quotes from my friends.

Gusto ko sana itext nanay ko para sabihin na gusto ko na ng bagong phone, na since January ko pa inilalambing sa kanila. Kaya lang nahiya ako. Ikaw, masasabi mo ba sa parents mo na, "Pa, Ma, bili niyo naman ako ng bagong phone, kahit N70 lang.. sige na, please. Sira na kasi memory card ko eh.. Nabura na naman mga messages ko.." knowing that just recently, you've been a great disappointment? Pagtiyagaan mo na lang ulit yang memory card mo diba, you so don't deserve it eh. =(

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Just 3 Years Ago

Tawagin niyo na akong jologs or mababaw, pero so far in three days, I haven't missed a single episode of Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition. Magmula noong launch at two doses of weekday primetime. Oo, pati PBBTE Uplate pinapatos ko! Blame on lack of better things to do and / or watch. Kaya eto, napagtitiyagan ko ang mga kababawan ng mga teenagers na ‘to. I admit that it’s not an example of a superb form of entertainment, but when I watch it, I always feel a tinge of nostalgia. I remember high school. I remember my high school friends. I remember early college years. I remember me – when I was their age.

I see bits of my old self in some of the teen housemates. In high school, I was the valedictorian like Aldred. But unlike him, I wasn’t as appealing to the girls, haha! Wala akong dimples eh, ehehe. Kung siya, proven na magaling magluto, ako naman trying hard.

Like Mikee, I was good in Math (take note: past tense). I was a delegate to the Math Olympiad. I didn’t win, haha! But at least as far as my batch is concerned, I'm one of the best (pagbigyan niyo na ako!). Pangarap ko dati, ma-perfect lahat ng periodical exams sa Math. Well, hindi ko siya nagawa. Pero in fairness, hindi lumalagpas ng 5 ang mali ko sa four quarters.

Like Fred, I was disciplined. But not physically, ang payat ko noon eh. I hated CAT in high school. Pero sa mga classmates ko, I had this uptight image / aura. If my classmates gets mischievous and almost gets away with it, I'm always expected to be the one to squeal about it.

Like Niña, I'm always misinterpreted. Kung siya, laging pinagkakamalan na maarte, ako naman laging pinagkakamalan na suplado at boring. Eh hindi naman. (Syempre, iyung ang sasabihin ko diba, hehe). Basta, tanungin niyo man mga high school friends ko, lagi ko naman nadidisprove ang first impressions sa akin, kapag nakilala mo na ako.

Like Mikki, I was independent-minded in my own way. My parents are both away in Bahrain, and I handle my own allowance that they monthly provide. Kahit hindi masyado malaki baon ko, nakakaipon pa rin ako kaya hindi na ako humihingi kung may gimik man ako. Since 2nd year high school, pareho nang naka-abroad parents ko. That means seven years na akong nakaka-survive nang walang parents. Of course, nandiyan naman Ate ko. Hindi ko naman sinasabing ako bumubuhay sa sarili ko, noh. Ang point ko lang eh, kahit wala parents ko, hindi ako napabayaan sarili ko in the sense na hindi ako nagbulakbol, hindi ako nagdrugs, hindi ako nalulong sa bisyo. Pinalaki kaming may matinong disposisyon.

Anyway, namimiss ko tuloy iyung time na teenager pa ako. Bakit? Maraming dahilan. Una, mas simple ang buhay. Unlike now, there’s too many complications. Dati, sure ako na kahit ano dumating na problema, kayang-kaya ko. Ngayon, hindi na ako ganoon ka-sure.

Isa pa, mas may kilig factor ang buhay noon. Iyung tipong everytime you see your crush, there’s butterflies in your stomach? Nandiyan din iyung asaran at nalilink kung kani-kanino. Pero sabagay, kahit naman ngayon, kung kani-kanino pa rin ako nililink. Pero wala na masyado paru-paro sa tiyan. Ewan. Kumbaga dati, kahit malabo mangyari kinikilig pa rin, ngayon, masyado na akong cynical para kiligan sa kababawan, pangarap o kabaliwan.

Grabe, parang kelan lang eh excited at proud na proud ako na 21 na ako. Ngayon naman, nag-mumuni-muni na sana teenager ulit ako. Siguro nga totoo iyung sinasabi na sign ng pagtanda or pagmamature ang pagiging sentimental – kapag namimiss mo iyung dati. In this case, by ‘dati’ I mean ‘just three years ago’. Three years lang iyun ah, ang bilis dumaan. Paano pa kung ten years!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

PBB Teen Editon: A Review (well, kunwari lang.. =p)

For this post, magpapaka-entertainment writer muna ako, kahit hindi naman ako ganun. Wala lang try ko lang. Medyo natutuwa lang kasi ako sa PBBTE, baka nga ma-addict pa ako eh. Baka rin mag magustuhan ko pa ito kaysa sa PBB at PBBCE. Anyway, here's my take on Primetime Bida's latest baby.

For a show that was adjudged as a Star Circle Teen Quest in disguise, Pinoy Big Brother Teen Edition sure has generated a lot of interest.

It was predicted to be a flop for a number of reasons. One of which is that PBB has reached its saturation point. There's nothing more to look forward to, regardless of whoever lives inside Kuya's house. I'm sure that every Kapamilya will admit, PBB Celebrity Edition might have done wonders for the career of its Big Winner Keanna Reeves and the rest of the celebrity housemates, but its rating speak for itself. It wasn’t as hot as the first one.

So when word was out that there’s was going to be a Teen Edition, a lot of eyebrows were raised, including mine. Hehe! Like the reactions of other Peyups members, "Ano ba naman iyan! Ano susunod? PBB Geriatric Edition? PBB Batang City Jail Edition?" Other weird but funny versions were even suggested by Pepe Diokno on Inquirer Super! Add the fact that it hasn’t been at least a month since the last Big Night. So therefore, the viewing crowd wasn’t given enough time to actually miss PBB (which might generate much-needed ratings). By the looks of it, this teen edition was predicted to fail. Until its launch last April 23.

But it’s not to say that it has already succeeded. But for sure, early reactions and feedback definitely suggest that PBBTE isn’t as bad as we thought it would be. Its thread on Peyups suggests that a lot of people have a lot to say about it. Its pages doubled in just two days. Early ratings (well, if they were to be believed) indicate that it is putting up a strong fight in the battle for viewership. It might actually (take note: MIGHT) be ABS-CBN’s primetime savior.

(The entertainment writing exercise ends here. Haha!)

In fairness, SCTQ in disguise nga ito! The housemates have a high average on looks, for both boys and girls. The ugliest would probably be Bam & Mikki (at least para sa akin), but then, Bam’s humor can provide more pogi points is as Mikki is as white as your typical sosy kikay. Alam niyo naman sa kultura natin, nadadala ng kaputian ang kagandahan ng isang babae.

Its first two episodes are actually not bad. As expected, the teens behaved like, well, teenager. Haha! There was giggling for the girls and ogling for the boys. Sabi ko na nga ba eh, this early, mga crushes ang pag-uusapan. Napakabata talaga! Naka-irita kasi napaka-babaw ng mga napapag-usapan nila. Pero nakakatuwa din kasi naaalala ko iyung time na teenager din ako. Wala lang. Life was so simple, relatively. Problems weren’t as complicated. That was only two years ago, but I feel like these teen housemates are way out of my age bracket. Ganun na ba talaga ako katanda, or feeling matured lang ako? =p

My early bets are Jamilla and Aldred. Why Jamilla? Kasi teenage mom siya – but a responsible teenage mom at that. She’s not like other teenage moms na umaasa completely sa magulang. Iyung parang nagkaroon ka lang ng bunsong kapatid kasi parents mo ang sumsagot sa gatas at iba pang pangangailangan ng anak mo. For this, she already won my admiration even if she has froblems with fronunciation. Si Aldred naman, ewan, kasi siguro valedictorian din siya. I can relate (Haha! Ang yabang!). But I envy him because he knows how to cook! Langhiya, daig pa ako, Capampangan pa naman ako. Pero bakit kaya siya umiiyak sa episode kanina? Anyway, so far, my initial bets seem to be lost in the crowd. Parang hindi ko pa maramdaman ang presence nila compared to Fred, Nina, Gerald or Bam. Pero sabagay, it's only been two days.

40 days to go! And a lot can still happen in that span of time. My bets could change. Sana lang maging interesante ang mga challenges. Buti na lang at wala ako summer classes, makakapanood ako nito araw-araw, haha! Makapanood nga muna mamaya ng PBBTE Uplate. =)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Umayos po kayo!

Normally, I really don’t say anything about the news and the politics behind them, as far as this blog in concerned. But I really just want to comment on the recent incident where PGMA was heckled at the graduation rites of the Cavite State University.

For PGMA: if you’d think about it, you probably deserved being heckled. I mean, come on, let’s be honest about it. You’re not exactly a champion of education in this country. There’s no argument there. The annual decrease in your administration’s education budget speaks for itself. But in fairness to you, you kept your poise during that speech.

For Maria Theresa Pangilinan: I salute your courage. I maybe from UP, but I must admit I cannot call myself an activist. But still, I admire students like you who are passionate on their beliefs. I may not agree with your methods of expression, but still, I respect you for your courage. On the minus side, you were heckled by your fellow students for ruining their graduation. But yes, you must admit, you did stage an uncomfortable scene. You should've respected the moment of glory of your fellow students.

For the university officials: What were you thinking when you invited PGMA as Guest of Honor? I'm am not aware of whatever help she extended to your university, if there is any. But don’t you think it’s ironic to invite as Guest of Honor someone who is annually slashing the state subsidy to state universities like yours? Well, I'm sure you have reasons, but still, I think it’s greatly ironic.

Credit must be given to PGMA and Pangilinan for being able to show some civility during the handing of diplomas. That must have been a really awkward situation. I'm sure the people around them were very nervous as to what could happen if these two women would come to within centimeters of each other.

As for my own take on the incident as a whole – well, I wouldn’t have done what Pangilinan did. But that wouldn’t be surprising, right. After all, I have confessed I'm not an activist. It’s just that I feel like I should at least respect the solemnity of the event. I mean, it is graduation. It is a moment for the parents and the students. As the local singing contest says, it’s their time to shine. (Yak, corny! hehe… ).

Instead, this is what I would’ve done if I were a student at CSU and I was given a chance to receive my diploma from PGMA herself. I would just whisper to her when it’s my time with her on the stage – “Salamat po sa suporta ninyo sa edukasyon. Salamat sa budget cut. Nakatulong po ito nang malaki!...At kung pwede lang, please, pakiusap… Umayos po kayo!” Sasabihin ko ito sabay smile, syempre. At least this way, no messy confrontations (my fellow students’ graduation wouldn’t be ruined), but I get my points across (to its rightful recipients. Grabe, Kapampangan ka pa man din! Hmppff!). =p

Friday, April 21, 2006

Hits Explosion

What happens when you subscribe your blog to Blog Explosion Literally, your blog explodes. Well, actually, not your blog, but the hits on your blog. And my gawd talaga, as in nakaka-shock in a nakakatuwa sort of way.

My blog is already around 14 months old. Ever since it already had Google Ads in it. I know that Google Ads are for people who view my blog, but what happened is that it was I who was intrigued by my own ads. I saw this ad on Blog Explosion and so I clicked it. So I've been a Blog Explosion member for around a year, too. But, I really wasn't an active blogger until recently and so, I never really paid much attention to my Blog Explosion account. Every time I had new posts, nobody really paid much attention to them, except a few friends. I didn’t even have a hit counter and a tagboard. Generic pa iyung template ko.

Noong second sem ko na-realize na gusto ko nang karirin ang pag-bablog. I switched templates. I installed a hit counter and a tagboard. And I posted entries more frequently. I even have a Poll Question. Then around two weeks ago, lalu ko pang kinarir ang blog ko. Kasi in fairness, two strangers (Irene & Geralyn) tagged me saying that my blog was a nice read. Napaisip tuloy ako, akala ko mga friends ko lang ang nagbabasa ng blog ko. Then I decided to give Blog Explosion another try. I surfed and surfed blogs of strangers from all over the globe. I also enlisted to every blog directory I know. I even installed a site monitor -- Weboscope. For the second time, I switched templates. I took me whole night to find my way through the html code to personalize my template. In fairness, nagawa ko naman. Kakainggit iyung ibang blog eh, may sariling images pa. Not that my current template is an original one, but at least it isn’t as common as my previous templates. =)

The result of my finger-breaking work of improving my blog? Here, check out the graph below… =)


It’s obvious on which days I surf on Blog Explosion. It’s those days wherein my hits would suddenly jerk upwards. Yesterday was simply manic. I know that the only reason I have lots of hits is due to Blog Explosion and not because people actually visit my blog on their own. But it still feels amusing every time there’s a hit from a new country. So far pa naman, wala pa naman akong natatanggap na comment from my overseas ‘readers’. But still, thankful pa rin ako sa mga maraming ‘napapadaan’. Ironic nga eh, I have more visitors from the US than from the Philippines. Tapos may Filipino ang blog ko, so hindi naman nila naiintindihan, haha! =)

So there, share ko lang na natutuwa ako sa mga hits ko. Alam ko, banang-bana na ako. Haha! Pagbigyan niyo na ako. This is what two weeks of vacation can do to you, where your best buddies are your laptop and TV. =)

Sa mga napapadaan, tag lang ng tag. Huwag mahihiya, hindi ako nangangain ng mga visitors, haha! Mag-comment kayo sa mga posts. I really appreciate them. Don't forget to indicate your link, so I can also check your blog. Vote din sa poll Question, ha? If you enjoy my posts and you want to link me, no problem. Maraming maraming salamat.

I just hit the 1,000 mark last night. Ansaya! Haha! =)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

iblog2 newbie

Mikai: Oh, hindi ka naman pala mag-sasummer, eh bakit ka lumuluwas?
Me: Ha, uhmm, mag-attend ako ng 2ndPhilippine Blogging Summit (aba, kumpleto pa talaga…)
Mikai: Ano? *bewildered look bordering between funny and curious*
Rex: Ayun, iblog2…
Mikai: Nakakatuwa ka naman, paluwas-luwas ka pa para lang makipag-conference! Haha!

Yeah, she’s right! I did made effort to travel from the province just to attend iblog2. When I first saw this, I was thinking, “Free naman siya, malapit lang, so why not? I think it would be interesting…” And indeed it was.

The only hassle was the ruined schedule. It didn’t start on time. But it really didn’t matter. What mattered was there were not enough seats, haha!

When I entered the room, I felt so small. Why? There were yuppie-looking people everywhere I look – complete with the 3G phones, digicams, recorders, palmtops, formal polos and long sleeves, black pants, leather shoes and all that jazz. And I was wearing sandals, =)! There were only a number of students like me. But I wasn’t bored.

Each speaker was interesting. My blog is 14 months old already, but I've only been regularly posting entries the past few weeks. I thought a blog was a simple thing. I mean, it is just like a diary, only it was online – it is just any random person who knows how to type in a keyboard and surf the internet and that person’s thoughts on just about anything. But in iblog2, I realized how powerful blogging can be. I realized that by publishing your thoughts for the entire world to see, you can be a government’s enemy. The keynote speaker mentioned that in certain countries, blogs of certain people are blocked and cannot be accessed by the people in those countries. Napaisip tuloy ako, grabe, baka naman biglang ipa-block ng mga taong pinaparinggan ko sa blog ko ang blog ko! Hehe!=p

Anyway, I attended the Personal Blogging track. I even asked an orgmate to come over since it was her vacant period (she was taking summer classes), to think na wala naman siyang blog. It really was worth my time. One of the speakers asked if there’s any Kapampangan in the audience. We were raising our hands but he didn’t see us. He wanted to ask what taksyapo means. Kaya ayun, dali-dali namin binaba kamay namin. We didn’t want to explain to everyone what that word literally means. Nakakahiya kaya! =) Ansarap pa ng food! I mean, for a free meal, it really was something: free flowing iced tea, a few slices of cordon bleu, special banana turons, veggies and a generous amount of rice.

Pero may hidden agenda rin ako kung bakit ako lumuwas para lang sa iblog2. Namimiss ko na friends ko. That’s why I texted them and had dinner together. Hehe!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Nakakapanibago ang summer ko!

Today, summer classes in Diliman start. While the rest of my friends (well, except Jerome) are busy struggling to go back to acad mode, I'm still sleeping my heart away till noon everyday. In a way, it feels weird because in my five years in UP, this is the first time I'm actually gonna have a summer break – because I didn’t enroll for summer classes. (Well, I really shouldn’t be taking summer classes this year, because I'm supposed to graduate this April… bummer). Well, wala lang, nag-momoment lang ako. Para kasing nakalimutan ko na kung paano nga ba talaga mag-summer, hehe!

When I was a kid, the major highlight of the summer would be my vacation at my grandmother’s house in Sta Rita Pampanga in time for their barrio fiesta. The fiesta itself is April 25, but as early as April 20, my cousins and I would already be there. Imagine a typical barrio house (iyung concrete and first floor pero ang second floor kahoy lang) being filled with around 5 adults and around 10 children. At lahat kami sa sala natutulog. Exciting no? The prime sleeping places would definitely be the couches. Haha! Then the vacation would be capped off with a swimming on April 25 itself, after the handaan, with all the leftover food. Of course, during my high school and college years, it would be a different story, right? =)

My summer after 1st year college, I took up Math 54. Shet! More than 3 hours of calculus!? I even almost failed it. It was because two noisy classmates of mine pissed off my professor. In effect, she made us take the second exam 3 days ahead of schedule – yes, without discussing what needs to be discussed. Syempre, asa pa akong maipapasa ko iyun diba? As of the last day of dropping, my exam average was 42%. A number of my classmates dropped. I didn’t – I was ‘five and fighting’! Haha! Lakas ng loob ko no? Well, 2 reasons: first, if I drop, I would’ve wasted my summer classes, and I don’t want that; second, the emergency 2nd exam punishment was uncalled for, I knew that inside my boyish professor, she had a heart and that she is gonna do something fair to compensate for that 2nd exam mêlée. And she did. After the finals, I was confident that I nailed it, that I answered enough correct answers to manage a 3.0 (I think it was around 85%). Nag-review talaga ako. Based on my computations, even if I get a 100%, my grade would only be 2.75. But lo and behold, 2.25 was encircled on my class card.

My 2nd summer, I had Nat Sci 2 and Comm 3. Obviously, it was a stress-free summer. Geology and Biology were my thing and Speech Communication wasn’t a struggle for me. Comm 3 really helped me a lot in dealing with my stage fright and the way I handle myself in front of other people. I really think it helped me with my people skills; especially I was an incoming president of my Aguman that year. Ano topic ko sa final speech? It was about the perks of being a third wheel entitled A Single in a Couple’s Company.

My 3rd summer, I took up ES 12 (2nd take, hehe) and Hum 2. It was a balancing act. While Hum 2 was okay, relatively relaxing, ES 12 was a real struggle. Since second take ko na, mega-effort naman ako. Stella and I were always hanging out at the Engineering Canteen. In fairness, I passed ES 12 with a final raw grade of 60.13%. It was a sweet conclusion to my ES series. Haha! Ewan, swerte talaga ako sa ES 11 at ES 12 ko. ES 11 ko kasi, 59.85% eh. Haha!

My last summer was my worst schedule ever: PI 100 from 9-11am, STS from 5-7pm. Imagine, 6 hours of break! Good thing I discovered Desperate Housewives that summer. Anyway, my PI was a mess. My teacher had a temper and was very stubborn and close-minded, not to mention demanding. Tapos may kaklase pa kaming epal. ‘Kala mo kung sinong cute – maputi nga and all, may fashion sense, pang-zombie naman ang mga mata. Add the fact that he was always sucking up to the prof by always having an opinion on this and that aspect of Rizal’s work of life – to the delight of my professor. Geez, he was good at feigning knowledge. As for STS, well, it was STS? Haha! You’d really survive without reading the thicker than thick readings. Totoo nga iyung legend na basta magaling ang report niyo, mataas grade mo. In fairness, our purely-picture report was one of the most genuinely well applauded. As in nakikinig talaga mga classmates namin, kahit na 6.20pm na kami nakapag-start.

So eto, since hindi ako nag-sasummer, naninibago ako. I will really, really miss my friends. I will miss the Tuesday genmeets, the dinner after those genmeets, tambya hours, chismisan (haha!), wednesday dinners, late-night walks to and from Matimtiman and Hardin, 34G, washing the glasses I didn't use. I will miss the ruckus, issues and more issues. =) But I'm really savoring this sleep-late-night, wake-up-late-morning routine I'm having. I know it gets boring from time to time, but I really think my mind needs this long and genuine break – break from acads, from certain people, from certain issues. At least ngayon, tahimik ang buhay ko. Wushu… =p

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much

“I worry about fast forgivers. They tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain. Or they forgive fast in order to get an advantage over the people they forgive and their instant forgiving only makes things worse. People who have been wronged badly and wounded deeply should give themselves time and space before they forgive. There is a right moment to forgive. We cannot predict it in advance. We can only get ourselves ready for it when it arrives. Don't do it quickly, but don't wait too long. If we wait too long to forgive, our rage settles in and claims squatter's rights to our souls”
- Lewis B Smedes


Well, my moment has come – I am forgiving you, all of you. I know you know who you are. (Kasi alam ko, mababasa at mababasa ninyo ito). I'm not sure if this is too fast or what. It’s only been a month since the last deal breaker. Wow, that was really foul – it was the worst thing someone I cared about has ever done to me. If this were a basketball league, you should've been banned from playing for life.

“… Simon, a lot of people wanted me to say a lot of things to you. But this is what I want to say to you. Yes, you’ve hurt me, and it was painful, it really was. But I want you to know that I have forgiven you, and that you don’t need someone to apologize in order to forgive somebody. And I figured that if Jesus could die so all of my wrongs could be forgiven, then I can certainly extend that same grace to you…”
- Mandisa Hundley on American Idol, Season 5, 3rd Day Hollywood Rounds


Whenever people ask me, “Kuya, can you still forgive him?” All I could do is manage a fake grin. I thought I never could. This isn’t something we could laugh about with our grandchildren someday. If only you knew, I really wanted to get even. I wanted to throw muriatic acid at your face. (Hala, obvious na tuloy na nanonood ako ng mga teleserye =p). Besides, it’s not like you’ve apologized or something. How could I forgive someone who isn’t even sorry?


“In the long run, it's not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You're not forgiving them for their sake. You're doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don't let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It's not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It's one thing you can be totally selfish about.”
- Doc Childre and Howard Martin

"Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten."
- Buddha

"Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting. A wounded person cannot – indeed, should not – think that a faded memory can provide an expiation of the past. To forgive, one must remember the past, put it into perspective and move beyond it. Without remembrance, no wound can be transcended."
- Beverly Flanigan


I’ve been through a lot the past year. You weren’t exactly the worst, but carrying the heavy load of my resentment towards you have been unnecessarily using up my energy. You were like a spy ware in my system that’s been using up a considerable amount of my resources without me noticing it. As much as I regret a lot of things, I could never bring back time and redo those things. What is done is done. And there’s been a lot of damage to boot. But then, what does one do when one’s computer been plagued with malicious (Haha! The perfect adjective…) spy ware? One reformats the machine. The thing is though, the bad sectors on your hard disks will always be there, forever.


"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."
- Lewis B. Smedes

"We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends."
- Pierre Corneille

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."
- Hermann Hesse

“… The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. And if you hate me, it means you still care…”
- Bree Van de Kemp on Desperate Housewives, Season 2, Episode 16


So, here I am, it’s half past 3am but I'm still typing out this piece. Okay lang, kakauwi lang namin around 2am, galing kami sa Easter Vigil sa simbahan. Ayoko muna itulog ito. I wanted to write this while I am still in the forgiving mode. Because I don’t want to wake up tomorrow realizing that I'm not in the mood to forgive anymore.

I don’t expect anything from this. Heck, I'm not expecting anything from you. I just want you to know that I've forgiven you, nothing more, nothing less. I'm not doing this for show – para ako ang mag-mukhang bida. Because for me, the praise and admiration I may or may not get from this is nothing compared to the peace of mind I will surely partially have. (Well, partially lang. Hindi lang naman ikaw ang pinoproblema ko no, feeling ka…) Let’s just say that this is just part of the renovation I was talking about a few posts ago.

I may not have a girlfriend; I may not drink, smoke cigarettes or jutes; I may not drive a nice car; I may not flirt, date or pick up whores; I may not make girls drool and salivate over me; I may not give them 5-minute emotional highs with just a smile; but this doesn’t in any way make me less of man. I may not be as masculine in the stereotype rugged sense, but I am man enough to admit my mistakes, say sorry and do the right thing (I really hope this is the right thing...). I will not pretend to be someone I am not for image purposes. I am not a boy who thinks I'm a man (haha! Spice Girls…).

Up until now, I still can't decipher what wrong I have done to you that I haven't apologized for. I still can't think about how I deserved this (unless it's something I'm not aware of). Because despite and in spite of what you did to me, I still cannot accept that you are that treacherous to do this to me just for kicks. I may have done something so wrong to merit such doing. It must have been as bad as well. Whatever that was, I am sorry. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for all the harsh words. You may have deserved them, yes, but in respect for the good and better times, I am deeply sorry. (Pero madaya pa rin no, nasabi ko na kasi eh...)

By the way, I thank Jesus for this. Yeah, yeah, I know – ang baduy ko, napaka-religious. You see, I credit Him for switching to this forgiving mode. And thanks to Mel Gibson as well. I was watching The Passion: Recut last Good Friday. Jesus said, “Forgive those who persecute you, etc, etc…” I just managed a shrug. But when I saw again the seemingly endless flagellating, damn! I couldn’t say no. I really felt guilty. So here I am – awkwardly freeing myself from that guilt. I am not pretending to be an angel or a convert here. I am nothing to closer to being a winged and lovable creature. I have my own share of stupidity and selfishness.

So there, let me conclude with a few more quotes na lang. Pasensya na guys, eto na yata pinakamahabang post ko ever. I just needed these qoutes to convince me to really do this. Mahirap talaga, pero thank God, magagawa ko. =)


"When two men quarrel, the one who yields first displays the nobler nature."

- Talmud

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
- Cindy Clabough

PS
(Title by Oscar Wilde) - not like you were actually an 'enemy', but you certainly wasn't the opposite either. Good luck with 'fixing' your own set of mess. I'm doing my own 'fixing' right now.. =) <<>

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Holy Week Thoughts

The Holy Week is already about to end and I haven’t posted anything holy yet. But the truth of the matter is, my week hasn’t been exceptionally holy. Here's why...

Palm Sunday – As always, I woke up late. So while the rest of the household went to hear Mass, I was still dreaming. Don’t worry though, I still went to Mass in the evening, after watching the touching interview of James Yap and Kris Aquino on The Buzz. In fairness, I wasn’t late. But it's because the priest was. The 6.30pm Mass started at 6.50pm. Sadly enough, there were no palms in sight that night. So my Palm Sunday didn’t really felt like a Palm Sunday. The highlight of the evening was when Kuya Dens let me drive our car home – alone. I was half-nervous and half-excited. I may have managed to take it home without a scratch, but my test-drive wasn’t without a funny incident. I was smoothly running, passing by people who walked home from the church when I noticed that a number of them were throwing weird looks at me. I realized it was because my headlights were off! Imagine driving in the night without lights. My alibi? It's because I could still see. Haha! I really still don’t have the instincts of a driver.

Holy Monday – Wednesday­­­ – Like I said, nothing holy these days. From Monday to Tuesday, I went to UP to attend to some stuff and thingies. I even had dinner with orgmates at The Old Spaghetti House. I didn’t really do anything special – I continued fixing this blog (I changed templates) and of course, I watched American Idol (yey! Bye bye Bucky!).

Maundy Thursday – Now for today, I did something holy after all. My buddy Kristle came by our house today, and asked me to scan an envelope of pictures that she needed for a presentation. Then I trekked to Angeles to hear mass at the Holy Rosary Cathedral with Cyrille and Porshe. Our gang was supposed to have Bisita Iglesiatogether but since we didn’t have a car and a driver, it didn’t push through. It’s my first time to spend a holy day with friends and not family. After dinner at KFC, we visited Carmelite (Here's a link for a Novena to Our Lady of Mount Carmel). It was my first time there and Ate Joi said that I'm supposed to be entitled to three wishes. True or not, I still prayed there as fervently as I could for the miracle that I needed in my life right now.

Good Friday – Again, on the day of the Lord’s death, nothing holy. The holiest thing I did all day was watch Mel Gibson’s The Passion: Recut on Star Movies. And like in the first time I watched it on the big screen, I cried. =). Yup, I'm not ashamed that I did. It would actually be more shameful if I didn’t, right? “Love your enemies… Forgive them…,” says Jesus in one of the scenes (not exact words). And I couldn’t feel but cry yet again. It was right then that I realized that I need to truly let go of all the hatred, anger and resentment I have for certain people in my life. My further thoughts on this are better left typed out loud on another post. =)

And so here I am, doing a recap of my Holy Week so far. Yeah, I admit, I haven’t done my own personal share of penitence and sacrifice (well, except for the fact that I didn’t eat meat today, whoopie). Unless it would count if I haven’t been forwarding green jokes to my Globe friends, all week, hehe. In lieu of jokes, I’ve been forwarding quotes that are more appropriate for the observation of the meaning of this week. At least I still have tomorrow to try and think of something to still make this a meaningful week for me. Hey, how about, sleeping and waking up earlier than usual? Yeah, I think I would do just that. I think it is divine intervention that I woke up with a runny nose today. It means I'm nursing an imminent cold. That’s why I don’t have the energy to stay up until 5am surfing the internet. At least now I can make an itsy bitsy sacrifice of tuning my busted body clock to the time zone of where I live. At least now I have extra time to reflect. Have a blessed weekend, everyone!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Blogadag

I just spent the last 5 or 6 days tending to my blog. At ano naman na-produce ko? Let’s see..

*Poll Question – nakita ko ito sa blog ni ham. Wala lang, natuwa naman ako. So far, lima na ang bumoboto sa corny kong Poll Question. Iyung isa, ako pa iyun.

*Site Counter – for days now, nag-disapperaing act ang luma kong site counter. I tried accessing the mainsite where I got it, ayun, may error. The site has been suspended daw. Kaya eto, I switched to the counter provider na ginamit ko sa blog ni Jerome.

*Clustrmap – I got this from one the blogs I surfed sa Blog Explosion. Ang cute eh, it shows where in the world are the readers of my blog. Kamusta naman ang readers ko from Germany and Panama? Do you understand what I'm saying? Haha!

*Other Bloggers – well, hindi naman ito bago. Inupdate ko lang siya. Dati, mga friends ko lang ang naka-link sa akin. Ngayon, lahat ng nagta-tag, linilink ko na rin. Nakakatuwang isipin na marami nagaaksaya ng internet time para tingnan ang blog ko. Well, most of them probably won't come back, pero at least diba? Pandagdag din ng counter at tags, haha! A simple ‘napadaan lang..’ has a big effect. Kasi naman, pati ibang tao na nakikidaan lang, napapadaan sa mga links sa mga tags. Ansaya! =)

*Weboscope­ – hindi ko na sure saan ko nakita ito. Like Clustrmap, it simply monitors my blog, and more. It lists unique visitors, from what countries, what browsers they use, what time zones, how many seconds they spent on my blog, etc. ang galling no? Everytime I open my account, natutuwa ako. Favorite feature ko iyung Countries. So far, more than half of those who access my blog ay foreigner. Kamusta naman sila, hindi pure English mga posts ko. Hehe.. I should speak more English from now on.

*Blog Directories – I subscribed to Blog Rankings, Blog Catalog, Blogarama, Globe of Blogs, Blogwise & Bloghub – which most probably explains the increase in my readership, especially those from other countries.

*BlogExplosion – matagal na ako member nito. Pero for the past week ko pa lang kinareer ito. I'm actually earning credits na for surfing member blogs. Kaya eto, andami accesses sa blog ko.

*iBlog2 – I will attend this blogger’s summit, total sa UP College of Law naman siya. Since for free naman, why not diba? Excited na nga ako eh. =)

So there, I think naman, improved kong matatawag ang blog ko. I've also been surfing other blogs and I'm really enjoying it. It’s nice to know what other people are up to, kahit hindi ko sila kilala. It’s amazing to discover bloggers have lots of common topics. Especially these days, marami ako nabasang musings about being delayed sa graduation. (Madami naman pala kami, hehe.. ) Pero ang kinaiinggitan ko talaga is their personalized templates. Damn! I really need to put ‘learn html’ in my things-to-do for the summer. Nakakahiya ang sa akin, isa sa mga default templates.

Blogging and bloghopping is one of the reasons why I'm awake til four in the morning. Well, actually, sira lang talaga body clock ko. Plus, lately talaga, tulala lang ako pag-gabi, nag-iisip about life. I hope that by the end of this summer, may personal template na ako. =)

Sa lahat ng napapadaan, maraming salamat! Pasensya na, medyo depressing mga recent posts ko. Hindi naman ako laging ganito. From now on, mga masasayang bagay ipopost ko, hehe, And oh yeah, I need to post more in English, because I have lots of readers from other countries. Blimey. Haha! =p

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Caffeine Overdose

The 15th of October 2005 was the first time I drank a beverage that costs more than P100. It was Northern Brew Café’s Mango Caramel Smoothie. While I've had many Caramel Frappucinos from Ala Crème before, I never paid for them, haha! (Thanks as always, Jigs! ^-^) But hey, if I had known it costs P125, I wouldn’t have fallen for that luscious poster. I just asked an orgmate who will pass by the café to buy me one, thinking it costs only around P60. I didn’t know that prices at that local coffee shop are at par with those at Starbucks. Anyway, it wasn’t worth it. The whipped cream topping on the picture plastered at the menu was missing on my drink. And while there was indeed that strange but delicious tinge of caramel in my mango shake, at that time, I still didn’t think P125 was well worth it. Quite ironic that just a few weeks later, a Starbucks frappe that costs P125 would be a norm for me.

Na ah, don’t get me wrong, cause it’s not like I'm one of those richy rich kids one would commonly see at posh coffee shops, all with the complete accessories – ipods, thick books and white laptops. Well, I do have a laptop (it’s black though) and an mp3 player (MPIO FY600), but I definitely have those thick readings. Let’s just say I actually could afford a P100+ drink a week. But then if I would always indulge, I would be penniless each weekend.

I guess it all started one day in November. It was one of those days wherein one would be eager to try something new, even if costs more than what you usually spend on a food treat to oneself. But as fate would have it, the barista gave me one of those little red cards. If I can to fill it with 21 stickers (which means, 21 drinks) until January, I get that prestigious Starbucks Planner. And that’s it.

Normally, I wouldn’t give in to over-indulgent promos, no matter how premium the gift is in the end. If you’d think about it, the planner would cost more than P2,100. But at that time, I was already given a go signal to treat my friends for my 21st birthday. So I figured it could finish off those 21 stickers on my birthday. And I did. But the question is, now that I have the planner, why do I still overspend on my weekly coffee fix? =p My excuse? I need to use up the discount coupons that came with my sleek planner. Haha! Damn! Those marketing people at Starbucks are really good.

But of course, there will be days when I can't afford to go to Starbucks. What do I do? Edi do the next best thing – make my own frappe at home. Our age-old blender is pretty hard-working lately. And now with our new ref that comes with an easy just-twist-and-enjoy ice cube maker and the two Starbucks plastic cups that I didn’t throw away, I can have always pretend to be having Starbucks at home. There is a bit of a problem though, my sister has been complaining recently on how fast I consume our creamer and sugar whenever I make my frappes.

My typical ingredients include the Irish-cream-flavored coffee beans (Ate Joi and I bought this years ago, thinking it was instant coffee. It wasn’t, haha!), Coffeemate French Vanilla, strawberry syrup, Nescafe Caramel Mocha, Nescafe Ice, Milk Magic, Karo maple syrup and any biscuit or what-have-yous on the ref or cabinets that could give a different and new twist to my drinks. And as always, whenever my nephews hear the painful grinding of our old blender, they always ask me to save some for them.

It just amazes me in an amusing and ironic way how much Starbucks has affected my life for the past four months. I had one with too many people at too many branches (okay, maybe not. So far, I've had Starbucks on five branches – SM City North, Katipunan, Eastwood City Walk 2, Glorietta 2 & SM Pampanga). It only used to be too expensive to fit in my allowance. If I’d have one, someone else has got to pay for it. I used to awe at the breath-taking aroma that linger over Starbucks branches. It used to be such a luxury, a prestigious commodity. Not anymore – especially now that I can recreate Starbucks at home. I don’t mean to brag but sometimes, with the ordinary and common ingredients at home, my drinks are even better than their Caramel Frappucino or Macchiato.

This Easter Sunday, I would probably trek to Starbucks SM Pampanga. I need to use my Easter Sunday coupon. =)

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Wow! Maling Mali!

For some weird reason, I realized I need to renovate my life. ‘Renovate’ being the operative word. Yak, talagang tiningnan ko pa sa Encarta dictionary ang meaning! It says, ‘make something like new again; to restore something to good condition.’ I felt the need for renovation because yes, my life is in one hell of a condition right now. Grabe, I didn’t expect this to happen to me. I've always thought that I've always led a pretty decent life. I mean, hindi naman ako nagda-drugs. I stay in school naman. Ganun naman diba? ‘Stay in school, keep away from drugs’ is the usual advice to the youth, especially this graduation season. Pero sheet!! Ni minsan, hindi ganitong buhay ang pinangarap ko para sa sarili ko. You might be thinking, ‘langhiya, ang oa naman nito! Kung magsalita eh parang andaming problema! Parang wala nang kinabukasan na naghihintay para sa kanya! But the truth is, I really don’t know what to do with my life, specifically and in general. It feels like everything is so wrong. Ang mga bagay na dati hindi ko pinoproblema, ngayon pinoproblema ko na. Bumaligtad talaga ang mundo.

I have problems of all kind, left and right. The usual solutions don’t work anymore. And I thought that last sem was already the eye of the storm. Hindi pa pala for the worst has yet to come (at that time). It came five more months after. I've always thought that I'm smart enough to figure out the solution to any problem I would encounter. I know that I don’t know everything, but I felt that I would always find a way through things, come what may. I thought I was always in control. I was wrong. Leche! Ilang beses ko pa bang mare-realize at sasabihin ‘tong phrase na ito. I was wrong. Ayan, italicized pa. I was wrong. Eto, bold naman. I was wrong. I WAS WRONG. I WAS WRONG. Sheet, ayoko na!! Feeling ko, isang beses ko pang ma-realize ito, tuluyan na akong mababaliw. Seryoso. Nasa "Wow! Maling Mali!" yata ako eh.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

April Fools' Thoughts

Habang pilit kong kinakabisa kung paano i-solve ang spectral density function of a power signal given its autocorrelation function, may bigla akong na-realize sa araw na ito that made me very nostalgic. Today is April 1st. Well, oo, April Fool’s Day ngayon. So dapat extra careful ako, baka maging victim ako ng isang prank eh. But it’s not that thoughtful reminder that tugged a string in my heart. It’s because this day five years ago, it was my high school graduation day.

Wala lang, napaisip lang ako. Since that day in 2001, I have never ‘commemorated’ it. Kumbaga sa loob ng 5 taon, ngayon lang ako natigilan at napaisip na, ‘Teka, HS Graduation Anniversary ko ngayon ah!’ Ewan ko ba, but instead of being positively reflective of it, I was actually wistful, a little short of depressed. Kasi SUPPOSEDLY, five years from my high school graduation, eh college graduation ko naman. Dapat by this time, iniisip ko na kung ano susuotin ko sa graduation rites, kung paano ang handaan, etc. Pero hindi eh. Iniintindi ko ang mga lecheng sinusoids at Fourier Transforms sa EEE 107 na fina-finals ko for the 3rd time.

Maybe it’s just that point in one’s life wherein one is suddenly so reflective of the ‘path’ one is taking in life. Sabi ko, ‘Shet! I'm supposed to be graduating!’ Nakalungkot, nakaka-depress, nakaka-baba ng tingin sa sarili. To add salt to the injury, for the past 3 days alone, 3 friends (from way back in high school pa, na matagal ko nang hindi nakikita) innocently asked kailan ang graduation ko, kesyo saan ang handa. One even asked saan ako nag-wowork. Ang reply ko sa lahat, ‘Hindi pa ako gagraduate.. (“,)’ Oo, with that big smiley. Wala lang, para hindi halata ang hiya sa pagsabi na ‘oo, delayed ako’.

Now don’t get me wrong, pasintabi sa mga kapwa ko delayed na magbabasa nito. I don’t have anything against ‘delayed’ people, especially those from Engineering. Norm ito sa atin, diba? Actually, ako mismo, hindi na big deal sa akin na delayed na ako. Hindi na ako bothered, tanggap ko na kasi last sem ko pa alam eh. Although oo, medyo masakit na sa 5thdelayed – it’s personal issue. year pa ako mdedelay, na all these years, proud ako na kahit papaano, nakakaraos at on-time pa rin ako. This depression over being delayed - it's a personal issue.

Kasi naman, who would’ve thought that the guy whom was jokingly nicknamed ‘Einstein’ (yep, medyo exag at bilib na bilib mga friends ko sa akin, pero hindi naman ako ganun ka-geeky) is gonna end up like this. (Kung ano iyung ‘this’ na sinasabi ko, sa akin na lang iyun. Nakakahiya kasi eh).

…Being a valedictorian is not even a guarantee that I will be among the triumphant ones. Nor the below average students be sure losers of the future…

This is so true. Pero shet! Noong ginawa ko ‘tong speech ko na ito, I never thought na maeexperience ko talaga siya. At the back of my mind, I was convinced that I will continue my success through college. Not that I would still be reaping honors, but I sure never imagined I’d be this pathetic. Ang hirap kasi i-explain sa ibang tao eh. Hindi nila ako lubusang maiintindihan. Kung ako lang, I can handle or cope with my failures. I mean, ako lang naman iyun eh. Hindi ka naman mahihiya sa sarili mo diba, kasi naiintindihan mo sitwasyon mo.

If we were to have an early reunion right now, my batchmates would probably say, ‘What happened?’ Truth is, I myself, have been asking that questions thousands of times. Whatever happened to the guy who studies only hours before and still perfect the test? Well, even if he would study days before, sometimes, even sleep only an hour or two, he wouldn’t even get a 50%. Whatever happened to the guy whose idea of a challenge was to perfect a grand slam in his perdiocal exams in Math? Whatever happened to the guy who used to enjoy going to school so much, who relished every day of learning? Whatever happened to the guy who was confident of himself, believed in himself? Well, he can't even get exempted from taking a finals in a subject he is taking for the third time. Whatever happened to the guy who always got things done? Whatever happened to that achiever? Whatever happened to me? Geez, I don’t know.. =(

____________________
Siguro, isang malaking joke lang 'to ni Lord sa akin. Advanced April Fools' joke ba? Pero grabe naman! Parang isang buong school year akong jino-joke.. =(

Quick Thoughts