Recent Thoughts

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Finding the 'ONE'

All good men are either taken or gay. This is the weary single woman’s excuse for her lack of luck on finding ‘the one’. I'm sure that if you’re the type who constantly falls for the wrong guy, for at least once in your life, you’ve checked out your gay friend, liked what you saw and wished that he’d been straight instead. Problem is, you’re looking for the same person. More so, the thought that destiny is hell bent on giving you and your ‘the one’ a hard time in finding each other is very exasperating and depressing indeed.

If there would be a similarly melancholic guy version of the quote above it would have to be this: The nice(r) guy doesn’t get the girl. I'm a generally optimistic person, but after being disillusioned that I finally found my ‘the one’ not only once but twice, I would have to totally agree with this. Now don’t get me wrong, I'm not saying that all attached men are bad. With nice as the operative word, the nice guy is, well – genuinely nice, almost Jesus-like. Nice guys are almost always too nice to be considered as lovers because the friendship they offer is too precious to risk and promote to the romantic level. The thought that you have all these lots of genuine love to share and yet no ‘fish’ is willing to take your bait doesn’t really do well to your self-esteem and/or self-confidence.

I'm not really sure whether there are more single men than single women and vice versa but either way, you could think that there is plenty of fish in the ocean, right? The thing is, the ocean is too big, one cannot simply know where to swim and explore. Rare are those people who chance upon their ‘fish’ within kilometers of their reef while some have to swim the 7th sea in order to score a good catch. With all the hundred schools of fish perpetually swimming to find each other, isn’t it ironic that we still feel that the reason we can't find our ‘the one’ is that we actually don’t have one out of all those thousands?

Being a single in a world that puts too much premium on one’s love life or lack of it is really tough. Why is it that we’ve come to regard finding ‘the one’ as an all important ingredient of real happiness? Why can't we be happy and contented with our friends? Why is it a must to be attached? Again, don’t get me wrong. I know that the union of a man and woman is essential to the preservation of the human race. I also do recognize that being in love is undeniably seventh heaven. I’m actually fond of love stories especially the mushy but sincere ones. What I don’t understand is why being single is given much deal. Why do acquaintances tell you “you’re so lucky” if you’ve found ‘the one’ but if you haven't you’re told instead to “not give up because your time will come and you’ll find your ‘the one’”? Why do people have to feel sorry for singles? Why all these why’s?

I know that people, especially your friends, only mean well when they always wish for your love life to blossom. But it sounds so desperate that other people have to wish for it for you. It unintentionally and unnecessarily magnifies the thought / insinuation that you actually need someone to bring joy into your life. It’s just that it’s taking a while for you and your ‘the one’ to find each other. If only people wouldn’t equate happiness with the existence of a love life, all waiting single men and women could optimistically wait for ‘the one’ instead of wallowing in self-pity and feel left out. This way, waiting for ‘the one’ need not entail loneliness and helplessness. You sure have gained something when you’ve found ‘the one’ but you sure aren't missing anything if you haven't found ‘the one’ yet. After all, the status of one’s love life and attitude towards it greatly affects a person’s outlook in life. Believe me – I do know what I'm talking about.

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