Not All Of Them

It's magical how a certain series of unfortunate events can still come up with some nice surprises. Picture three friends who have their own personal problems to battle with coming together and finding solace in each other's unwavering trust and consoling sympathy. Imagine them, talking their hearts out in Indian sit position in the middle of the Sunken Garden. It’s the stuff mushy barkada movies are made of, right?

I’ve always been good friends them. You know, we dine out together every now and then, especially after genmeets; we’re partners-in-crime; we have the same frequency; we have a common addiction to Desperate Housewives, etc. However, I never thought that it would come to a point where we’d have each other to rely on when the world that used to be so peaceful starts falling apart. When God closes a door, He opens a window. And what a view this new window had.

There is no intriguing twist to this piece, unlike my two previous posts. I just had to write something about them. Because you see, I have been reminded that in a big set of so-called friends, not all of them are true – even those who say they are. Not all of them stick with you through the bad times. Not all of them can let you be yourself. Not all of them trust you the way you trust them. Not all of them believe in you. Not all of them will go out of their way to help you. Not all of them can tell straight to your face what’s wrong with you – which we really need from time to time. Not all of them feel for you. Not all of them will try to understand you when everyone else is being so judgmental. Not all of them only have your best intentions.

Yes, not all of your friends are as true as what they seem. Still, it is surprising to discover that some of them actually are. And you’ll realize just that at the perfect moment, just when you needed them the most.

Sa mga nakalimot na ng Math diyan, tandaan na sa Venn Diagram, everything that doesn't belong to any circle belongs to the Universal Set. Doon, sama-sama tayo. Maraming maraming salamat. Our Lips Are Sealed.. haha! =)

Whateva!

January 20 Sa mga nakakakilala sa akin, maniniwala ba kayo kung sabihin ko sa inyo na ako ay sumayaw sa The Basement ng Libis? Si Rex? Nasa Basement? At sumayaw pa?! Yeah, right! Ako rin eh, hindi ako makapaniwala. Pero totoo. =)

It was Cyrille’s 19^th birthday. At ang wish niya ay makapag-night life sa unang pagkakataon sa kanyang buhay. For a college student who rarely is awake anytime past 11pm, this is very exciting indeed.

Hindi naman sa gusto kong agawan ng moment ang birthday girl, pero momentous event din ang gabi sa buhay ko, haha! Wala lang, first time ko mag-night life sa Manila. Last time I did it was way back in April 2005 at sa Pampanga lang. Iba kasi ang crowd sa Manila diba. Wala lang, parang feeling ko, probinsyanong probinsyano ang dating ko. At huwag ka, sumayaw pa ako.

Nagmistulang tourist guide pa si Mikai. “Eto ang McDonald’s… eto naman ang Mini-Stop… Pag ganitong oras, blah blah…” At least naapply talaga niya ang course niya diba?

Medyo hassle nga eh. Kasi katatapos lang ng exam ko sa isang major at 8pm, diretso ligo at bihis ako para sa aming night life gimik. Kaya ayun, antok na antok ako pagpasok at pag-upo namin sa Basement. Sa pinakaharap pa man din kami nakapwesto. So we were actually on the dance floor. Habang nag-yoyosi si Por at Yek, CR nang CR si Rjei at Paul, at nagbo-boy hunting si Mikai at Cy, ako naman ay giniginaw at naiidlip.

Hindi ko talaga hilig ang pag-sayaw-sayaw, lalo na sa harap pa ng ibang tao. I once said that if my life depended on dancing, I’d probably be dead by now. Ironic nga eh, to think na nakikipag-dance contest (at nananalo) pa ako nung Elementary ako. So anong nangyari? Hindi ko alam! Haha! =)

Ako lagi ang naiiwan sa table kapag yugyugan na. Ayun, nagbabantay ng mga bags, habang inuubos ang pulutan at ang aking iced tea (hindi rin ako umiinom, kasi ampait!). Pero sa pagkakataong ito, dahil nag-request ang birthday girl, wala akong choice but to oblige. Ayoko naman maging kill joy. At isa pa, mukhang wala rin naman akong magagawa if ever dahil hindi daw sila papayag matapos ang gabi nang hindi ako nakakasayaw.

Nang sayawan na, sinubukan kong magmakaawa kay Mikai na huwag na lang akong pasayawin, but to no avail. As in literally, hinila niya ako from my chair to the dance floor. In no time at all, nagShaggedy Shaggedy Shapopo pa kami. But fast forward an hour later, nakatayo pa ako dun sa elevated part sa crowd, habang sinisigaw ang put your left hand up, put your right hand up, whateva, whateva ni Remy Martin.

Isa itong gabing hindi ko makakalimutan. Kahit sobrang antok ako at may Cold War pa on the side, sobrang nag-enjoy ako. I guess that night, it didn’t matter that disco clubs and dancing weren’t my thing. What mattered was that I was in a company of people with whom I really didn’t care if they’d see me at my worst ­– when I'm dancing, or at least when I try to.

Condom

“Trust is a fragile thing. Once burned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. Of course, the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we’re closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue. In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.” - Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives, Season 1 Episode 10

In any kind of human relationship, whether it’s as complicated as a romantic one or as basic as friendship, trust is a valuable factor. It makes or breaks the bond between two people.

To trust a person is a risk, a very great gamble. It’s like turning off your personal computer’s anti-virus while surfing the internet. You open yourself, ushering in a wave of vulnerability to attacks from the cruel outside world.

But to trust a person has its rewards. Trusting is sharing yourself, your life with another person. In this world, we don’t have to go through everything alone. Our lives are meant to be shared with other people, especially the heavy burdens ­– that is, with the right people.

There are no perfect foolproof criteria to know whom to trust. Humans, even the most compassionate ones, are capable of anything, even betrayal. Only time and shared experiences between two people could tell just how much you could trust that person. This proves that trust is two-way thing, it should be mutual. You don’t normally trust a person whom you know don’t reciprocate the same secured feeling.

It’s true what they say, that it takes time to earn trust yet in just a snap of a finger, it’s easy to lose. And re-earning lost trust is even harder. Second chances are given only to those who deserve it. But then again, how do we know for sure, considering that with the tarnish of a first offense, a second offense is not impossible? Doubt clouds your judgment of whether you’d trust again or not. That sucks the most isn’t it ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­– feeling that you’ll never be able to trust again, that it’ll never be the same. I guess that’s where the heart’s intelligence comes in. But still, even the heart makes mistakes, in fact more often than the mind, especially when it comes to decisions when objectivity is most essential. In the end, the stakes of gambling with second chances is even bigger.

Why am I saying all these? Because just recently, I was painfully reminded that not everything is what it seems to be, that there are indeed people capable of pretence and/or treachery. People whom you faithfully believed you could trust can lie with even the tiniest trivial things. As nasty as the world may seem, the truth is, there are people who are good at feigning. Worse, there are people who are bad at it, but think they are getting away with it. Dishonesty can be that outright – given a perfect chance to come clean, there are people who still choose the foolish path of denial. Despite of truthfulness and sincerity on your side, there will always be people who say or act something, yet think or feel otherwise. Even the people who call themselves your friends, lover, buddy – or even a brother.

Cold War

Noun: state of enmity without hostilities: a relationship between two people or groups that is unfriendly or hostile but does not involve actual fighting or military combat.

Ito na yata ang pinakamasamang giyera na lalabanan mo sa talambuhay mo. The damage it could cause penetrates through your very heart. Naks, anlalim noh? Eh sa totoo naman eh.

Hindi lang naman kayo nagkikibuan kahit na isang metro lang ang pagitan niyo. Whereas dati, kahit 10 meters away pa lang ay hindi na kayo magkamayaw sa dami ng kinukwento niyo. Wala na rin yung, “Oh, kamusta naman iyung ganyan mo.. eh yung ganito mo, okay na?” Ngayon, para lang hindi makapansin ang ibang tao, mapagtitiyagaan mo na ang “Oo..”, “May exam ako mamya..” or “Ano inorder mo?”

Ang pinakamahirap sa lahat, kapag unti-unti nang nasisira ang pagkakaibigan nang dahil lang sa pride ng bawat isa dahil walang unang gustong kumausap doon sa isa. Eh siya ang may kasalanan eh! Siya dapat mag-approach sa akin noh. Given na siya nga, eh paano kung wala naman siyang guts? Or masyado lang siyang insensitive? O di kaya naman ay kasalanan mo naman talaga at hindi mo lang alam? Paano mo malalaman kung hindi naman kayo magkausap nang matino? Ang hirap, diba? Kapag pa naman nasugat ka sa mga ganitong giyera, matagal ang pag-papagaling.

Andami mong gustong sabihin, hindi mo masabi-sabi. Gusto mong sabihin na lahat-lahat para matapos na. Pero wala eh, paano mo nga ba sisimulan? Ang mga bagay na dati’y madali mong nasasabi, ngayon, hindi na. Kasi nga, hindi kayo okay.

Higit sa lahat, sobrang lamig talaga ng pakiramdam. Cold War nga eh. Iyung tipong kapag pinagsama kayo sa iisang kuwarto ay mararamdaman ng ibang tao iyung lamig, kahit hindi sila kasali sa giyera. Daig pa ang aircon. Kailangan ng jacket. Okay, exag na.

Ito iyung mga tipo ng giyera na hindi ko alam kung paano ko maipapanalo. In the first place, kailangan ba talaga na may manalo at may matalo? Diba dapat pareho tayo panalo pag tapos na ang giyera? Kasi back to being allies na ulit tayo eh. Pakshet, parang pang-high school ‘tong problemang ito. Bakit kasi nangyari pa ito! Ano bang ginawa kong kasalanan? Gusto ko iyong dati, iyong tayo ang magkakampi, hindi ngayong magkalaban tayo. Sana matigil na itong kalokohan na ito. ‘Swallow our own pride’ ba. Pero sino mauunang lulunok? Ikaw ba o ako? Hay basta, nakakalungkot, nakakalungkot talaga. Nakakapanghinayang.

2005: The year that was

As usual, late na naman ang blog ko about the 'year that was'. I was watching ASAP '05 nung January 1, habang nagaayos ng gamit sa pagluwas ko sa UP. Puro Top 10 eklavu ang mga kinakanta nila. Ang galing no? – iyung tipong you can summarize 365 days in just a number of Top 10 Somethings. Therefore, gagawa rin ako ng sarili kong mga countdown.

This year, my friends really played a big part in my life. Sobrang thankful ako for them, kaya hayaan niyo akong magdrama to pay tribute to some of them.

TOP 2 NEW FRIENDS

1 Jerome – Another new member and the newest addition to the 34G Family.He revived my landline life (pagtetelebabad). Tawag kasi ng tawag sa amin, para namang hindi kami magkasama ng 5 araw dito sa UP. At kamusta naman ang paglalakad sa daan ng 1am para lang magmeryenda sa Mini Stop or magpabalik-balik sa Matimtiman?

2 Fergie – My first ever constant textmate ever since Globe came up with TxtNonstop. I will forever remember that weekend when we played 20 Questions thru text. She’s my ever reliable sounding board on just about anything. Special siya, period.

TOP 5 CLOSER FRIENDS

1 Kitchie – (Left below in white top) She’s my grandbuddy but we only grew closer this year, especially in the latter part, partially thanks to YM. She’s a darling sounding board. Ever since the nag-popogi-an thingy, naging mas close kami. Haha! =)

2 Yek – (Right above in red top)My first impression of this girl a year ago ­– coño. But look now, because of certain issues, we grew ever closer, especially during the Kadaya App Process, and thanks as well to Desperate Housewives. Masaya ako dahil halos laging sabay ang pagtambay namin. Enjoy kang kasama sa tawanan at kalokohan, ‘friend’! Haha! =)

3 Jhae – I’ve known this girl for more than 2 years already, but it’s only this year that we got to share more sensitive stuff. Just like Kitchie, she’s such a wonderful, patient and reliable sounding board. Napaka-objective, walang ka-bias-bias.

4 Portia & Cyrille – I just had to consider them as one, these two Matimtiman Girls. Constant companions on Tuesday dinners, especially after genmeets. Such wonderful gracious hosts of our Wednesday Dinners, kahit na sila ang may-ari ng bahay, sila pa ang hindi nakakagamit ng table, haha!

5 Gabby, Alvin & Moshi – my dear labmates at Cuba, este EEE. Mga kasama ko sa pag-aaral at pagbagsak. Ay ako lang pala ang bumabagsak, hehe!

TOP 5 GIMIKS

1 AguSemstarter with AguPips

2 Hilaga (MYMP, Hale & Sponge Cola Concert) with Jowie, Gary, Paul, Mikai, Zelm, Portia, Ngot, Celine, Leah & Jade

3 Thursday Club Sessions with Paul, Jerome, Jowie, Rjei & Yek

4 Zambales with Maan & Argel, Sai & Popo, Glenn, Phil & Leslie

5 Videoke at Kitchie’s with of course, Kitchie, Leah, Jade, Ngot, Celine, Yek, Jowie & Gary