Recent Thoughts

Monday, June 25, 2007


If I were to put the old me back in high school and the current me (still) in college, I would think that they are two different people. When I look back at what happened all these years, I am overwhelmed by the realization that I've been through a lot. Well, don't we all say that, right? But no. This isn't one of those self-serving emo posts. Well, this may border on the emo side, but this is definitely not self-serving. Neither is this an attempt to hide the ugly consequences of my various missteps and glorify the lessons I supposedly learn. Wala lang, gusto ko lang talagang mag-comment sa sarili kong buhay, hehe.

You know the cliché
question on talk shows or even beauty pageants that inquires what part of your life you would want to change. And then the guests or the contestants would finish it off with the corresponding cliché answer. "I wouldn't change anything because all my experiences helped me to be the better person that I am now." Well, the cliché answer is a cliché for a reason. But what if, you're not necessarily a better person after all those mistakes and experiences?

I, for one, deeply regret a few things in my past (most of which are lumped the past 2 years). If I were asked the
cliché question, my answer would definitely be not the cliché answer. I guess I still haven't reached the point where I realize the purpose of those mistakes and experiences. Oh yes, I definitely learned a valuable lesson or two from them. And geez, I had to learn some of them over and over and over again. I already let go of whatever anger I suffered. But I haven't recovered either. For countless times, I can't help but question whether I deserved it or not. As expected, the answer remains elusive.

But life goes on. Another
cliché, eh? But it does. Even if we don't want it to, haha! The world will not cease to revolve and rotate just for my heartaches. (Wushu.. andrama!). The least I could do is try my best to keep up.

"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in." ~Katherine Mansfield
Would I be forgiven if I can't help it? Besides, this regret that I have only serves to remind me of the things that could go soooo wrong when I don't get a hold of what true and what's important.

On the bright side, I survived, didn't I? I haven't recovered yet, but I am still 'alive and kicking' and I am getting there. I only have utmost gratitude for the things and people that helped (and are still doing so) me get there. Mahirap nang mawalan ng utang na loob. Baka pulutin ako sa kangkungan, haha!

PS. Sorry for a mushy post as a comeback from my hiatus. Yan ang naidudulot ng pag-uupdate ng alas-4 ng umaga! Haha!

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