Recent Thoughts

Friday, July 06, 2007

More complicated than a worded Math problem*

We Filipinos are naturally chismoso. I wonder if being backstabbers automatically goes with the territory.

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you know that some of your friends talk about a common friend in a bad light? For example, you, Person A, B and C are all (supposedly) good friends. But one time while you, A & B were chatting, A & B mentioned C’s occasional attitude problem. Say you don’t necessarily share their opinion. I mean, now that A & B has mentioned it, you do agree that C deso exhibit the attitude problem sometimes. But at the end of day, to you it’s not much of a deal – that C’s rare annoying moments aren’t enough to actually label C as having that attitude problem. But to A & B, it’s an entirely different story. To them, C is really like that and it came to a point that it sort of affected their relationship. Would you consider A & B as backstabbers? What if A & B only ‘bash’ C’s attitude problem in private? I mean, while A & B share this secret annoyance of C, they don’t necessarily tell D, E or F that C is like this or like that. I think I’d rather use the word ‘feigning’. Backstabbing for me is if A & B would tell everyone about C’s attitude problem and turn them against C. Hmmm, my illustration is teeming with details, haha! Go figure.

I’ve had two C’s in my life. I was (and still am, actually) good friends with both. While the other letters generally agreed with their sentiments on C1 and C2, I didn’t necessarily share their impassioned annoyance. Like I said in the illustration, I did notice C1 and C2’s flaws as people, I just didn’t grow to dislike them.

Maybe it’s because I was really good friends with C1 and C2 to begin with. I first knew them because of the more positive aspects of their character, and when I began to realize their major flaws, I still accepted them for what they are. That’s what real friends do, right? But in the times when the general opinion was that C1 & C2 were really ‘annoying’ and I still didn’t share the aversion, I began to wonder if it was because I was like C1 and C2 myself. Birds of the same feather, make up the same feather duster, right? Hehe!

Now, I think I have a C3 situation. The only difference now is I actually share the general opinion of loathe – even if I used to be understanding and defensive of C3 myself. So yes, it’s safe to assume that my relationship with C3 has been strained lately. Heck, I am not sure if C3 is aware or if C3 even cares. How bad is it? Well, consider the fact that even I – a person of tremendous patience and understanding when it comes to these things – gave up on C3. That’s how bad it is.

So does that make me and the other letters backstabbers? In a way I guess – given the fact that we talk about C3’s flaws quite openly though not necessarily to all the other letters. Plus, we don’t really encourage the rest of the letters to turn against C3.

Often, I ponder whose fault it is. It’s easy to blame it all on C3. I mean, C3 is the one with the attitude problem. And if all the other letters agree (even the similarly patient and understanding letters), it means that C3 is really the one with the problem, right? But no, the actual situation is more complicated than that. And I humbly take my part of the blame. I haven’t been warm to C3 myself, but it's only in response to the kind of treatment I get.

If you were in a C situation, would you rather have someone tell you so that you can do something about it?

I abhor harboring feelings of secret disgust over people I’m supposed to be good friends with. I actually have this mini cold war going on with C3 but I don’t think C3 has noticed. And until I figure out what to do, I just can’t feign the warmth of good ol’ friendship. It can be argued that what I am doing is backstabbing but I am definitely no faker.

When I say I'm a friend, I always mean every word.. til the end. Until you tell me to back off.

*Thanks again to Jigs for the title. Sabi niya sa akin when I asked him to improve my title, "OMG! What's wrong with you?! Alam mo, I also didn't like your title for the transformer post" Haha!

Quick Thoughts