Recent Thoughts

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Wow! Maling Mali!

For some weird reason, I realized I need to renovate my life. ‘Renovate’ being the operative word. Yak, talagang tiningnan ko pa sa Encarta dictionary ang meaning! It says, ‘make something like new again; to restore something to good condition.’ I felt the need for renovation because yes, my life is in one hell of a condition right now. Grabe, I didn’t expect this to happen to me. I've always thought that I've always led a pretty decent life. I mean, hindi naman ako nagda-drugs. I stay in school naman. Ganun naman diba? ‘Stay in school, keep away from drugs’ is the usual advice to the youth, especially this graduation season. Pero sheet!! Ni minsan, hindi ganitong buhay ang pinangarap ko para sa sarili ko. You might be thinking, ‘langhiya, ang oa naman nito! Kung magsalita eh parang andaming problema! Parang wala nang kinabukasan na naghihintay para sa kanya! But the truth is, I really don’t know what to do with my life, specifically and in general. It feels like everything is so wrong. Ang mga bagay na dati hindi ko pinoproblema, ngayon pinoproblema ko na. Bumaligtad talaga ang mundo.

I have problems of all kind, left and right. The usual solutions don’t work anymore. And I thought that last sem was already the eye of the storm. Hindi pa pala for the worst has yet to come (at that time). It came five more months after. I've always thought that I'm smart enough to figure out the solution to any problem I would encounter. I know that I don’t know everything, but I felt that I would always find a way through things, come what may. I thought I was always in control. I was wrong. Leche! Ilang beses ko pa bang mare-realize at sasabihin ‘tong phrase na ito. I was wrong. Ayan, italicized pa. I was wrong. Eto, bold naman. I was wrong. I WAS WRONG. I WAS WRONG. Sheet, ayoko na!! Feeling ko, isang beses ko pang ma-realize ito, tuluyan na akong mababaliw. Seryoso. Nasa "Wow! Maling Mali!" yata ako eh.

Quick Thoughts